My obsession with sticking it to the man has been evident ever since I was a young child. I remember being fascinated in my youth by the book The Anarchist Cookbook. Of course I never did any of the stuff that’s in the book, but just knowing about it was enough at that point. As I got older, that ended up not being enough.

My man sticking desires still exist today, but they’ve become much tamer. Take yesterday for example. On Monday’s at all the Duffy’s Sports Grills around town they have a promotion where if you have an MVP card all the entrees are $9.99. Now this is a hell of a bargain. Unfortunately for me, my favorite thing to get there is the Chicken Tenderloin Platter which checks in at $10.99 normally. Getting that on Monday it seems like a waste because you’re only saving a buck when you could get something like the full rack of Baby Back Ribs and save 6 or 7 dollars. So even though I want the chicken tenders and know that will make me happiest, I still don’t want to order it because then I feel like I’m getting screwed.

Isn’t the whole point of going out to eat so that you can get what you want? If there were no prices on the menu than I would order the chicken tenders no problem. Mainly because I think Park Ave’s ribs kill Duffy’s any day. There’s something though about Monday nights that makes me want to order the most expensive thing so that in my mind I’m sticking it to them the most. Who knows, their profit margin might even be bigger on the ribs anyway, I have no clue.

I did end up getting the chicken tenders, but I got them saucy and with blue cheese. Which normally costs an extra 99 cents, but I got it for free because I’m the man.

Another example happened this very morning. For those not in the loop today was free pastry day at Starbucks. If you were friends of theirs on Facebook or get their e-mails then you got a link to a coupon that you could either print out or bring up on your cell and show them today for a free pastry with your drink before 10:30am. I of course took this as an opportunity to get those bastards twice for it.

Sticking it to Starbucks for some reason is extra sweet, I guess it’s because they get me for a ridiculous amount of money every month. I wouldn’t even want to add it up, its scary, and I’ve even cut back a whole lot. Today, I got a small piece of my revenge on those Seattle smart asses. I went at 8:30 this morning to the one on Northlake while on my way to my probation meeting (that’s a story for another day, stay tuned). I got a free sweat bread with my normal solo venti no whip white mocha frappuccino (yes, I know it’s not the manliest of drinks, but fuck it). Afterwards I stopped at home on the way to work.

While at home I was relaxing for a few moments when I looked at the watch and realized that if I left right that instance I could stop and hit them again before work. I zipped on over to PGA and got another frap and a cinnamon roll. I walked out of there with a big smile on my face thinking of all the money that I had saved this morning. The ridiculousness only hits me when looking back at it. I still spent twice the money that I normally used to (I don’t even go every day anymore). I now realize that not only did I not really stick it to Starbucks, in fact I fell right into their trap.

My last instance is going back a little ways. It happened around when I went to rehab for the 2^nd time out in Baton Rouge, LA. I completed treatment there and decided to come back to Florida and move into a sober living facility. I got out of the rehab and they dropped me off at the airport.

I was dying to get a drink, but the bastards of course had left me with absolutely no money. I couldn’t even have gotten a soda at a vending machine if I wanted. So I’m miserable and board my plane. I had an aisle seat of course because I love to put my legs out. On my way back to my seat I noticed that the stewardess was standing by my seat. When I got there she informed me that my choices were either to sit in my assigned aisle seat next to two children, or switch to the middle seat that their mother had so she could sit with her two kids. Now I know I’m a nice guy so this was really no choice for me, of course I’m gonna let her switch seats with me. I hate middle seats, but I can deal with it.

There I am sitting in my middle seat just minding my own business when 5 minutes later the stewardess comes back and tells me that she’s sorry but I’m going to have to move again. I find it odd, but I just kinda sigh and say whatever. She starts walking and I follow her. She keeps going and I realize that she’s moving me up to first class. Money I think, for once in my life being a nice guy has finally paid off. Its my reward for all those times I was the nice guy like a complete jackass and the dumb blonde I was hitting on ended up fuckin the asshole.

After I sit down in my still uncomfortable yet plush by comparison chair, I have a revelation. This was all God’s plan. Here I was lamenting the fact that I couldn’t get a drink and what did the big fella do but plant me in the one place where drinks are free. I immediately call the attendant over and get a rum and coke. I had just left rehab and was going straight from the airport to a sober living facility, but what did I care, it was all part of god’s plan. I managed to down 4 rum and cokes on the short flight from New Orleans to Atlanta where I was switching planes. Those drinks were the best tasting drinks I think I’d ever had. Not only had I not had a drink in a long time, but they were also free. It was also a double sticking it to the man, because not only were they free due to being in first class, but I had not paid for the first class upgrade either.

Upon landing in Atlanta I was presented with a dilemma. Here I was a raging alcoholic who hadn’t had a drink in 2 months before that plane ride, and I was stuck with no money in the airport. Once again I was pissed. Then I got on the plane down to West Palm and I was back in coach like a schmuck. No one there was any the wiser to what I had done, but that is really neither here nor there.

Now I don’t really know exactly where this strange fascination within me has come from. I know its not that I’m a cheapskate or anything, because I waste money left and right. I grew up in Palm Beach for Christ sake. There’s just something so sweet about getting something for free or less than what the other losers have to pay for it. I think that’s really just part of being American, kinda like blowing shit up.

I’d like to applaud the brass at the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office as well. Our county is one of the few in the country that has this short of program going that makes it this easy to access all the mugshots. If this is the kind of stuff that my taxes are going to, then its cool with me. Just don’t waste it on useless stuff like paying the officers high enough salaries so we could actually get people that have completed the 6th grade.

There are so many things about it that are so interesting. If your into seeing the craziest looking bums, you can find it there. If you are into trashy skanks, those are plentiful as well. If your into seeing the freakiest hairdos or face tattoos, this is your one stop shop. However, my favorite is looking for people that I know. Living in and out of different halfway houses for the past 3 years, I get to see former residents all the time. This past week there was a stretch where I saw a former resident 3 days in a row, that’s my longest streak.

I get excited like a little schoolgirl every time I see somebody I know or used to know I should say. This could be because there’s a dark part of me that takes a perverse pleasure in others misfortunes. That might very well be the case, I think we all do to some extent. There’s no way you can’t laugh a video of someone getting hit in the nuts, that has always been and will always be comic gold.

However, I don’t think that’s the real reason that I like the booking section so much. I think its my only real outlet for breaking any news these days. I went to Journalism school at UF, and of course you always learn the high value of being able to break the story. Everything I write about these days is old news, some other jackass has already hit it before me. When I see someone that I knows booking photo, I immediately get on the phone to call other people that know them or I walk around the property here telling other people about it. Its not the gossip girl in me dammit, its the investigative journalist!

Just the other day I saw somebody I knew on there, and I immediately hit the phones. I called up a former roommate of his that’s still a good friend of mine, we’ll call him LAST ACTION HERO. Now on the Post’s website you can only see their picture, name and the charges. You gotta delve a little deeper and head over to the Palm Beach Country Sheriff’s Office website, and type in their name in the search, to find out if their still in jail or have been released and other info like that. So I call up LAST ACTION HERO and give him the news, we talked about it for a while and then nonchalantly at the end, he slips in there that I’m the 2nd person to call him about it. I didn’t say anything, but inside I was dying. I got scooped by somebody else and it sucked. I felt like a complete loser, who the hell wants to be 2nd with anything. As Ricky Bobby always said “If you ain’t first, your last.”

Sure, I was able to tell a lot of other people about it, and they all thought that I was the first one with the story. Inside however, I knew it was all a lie. I may have been laughing it up, but if you looked closely you could definetly see the tracks of my tears.

It was that day that I realized that breaking the news of acquaintances arrests in a double edged sword. The more people that I tell about it, the more people that are going to try and hop on the booking photo addiction bandwagon. It’s my cross addiction, and I want it all for my self. I know that there are other people out there that are also big  fan’s of it, but I don’t want any one in my inner circle of friends to get in on it. Up to this point its been all basically fringe players that have been arrested, but I just dread the day when a major player in the world of Frank Fitton is up there and somebody else scoops me on it. If that ever happens I’ll have to just hang it up.

An interesting side note on it, is that yours truly did make an appearance there on February 28th for a DUI. None of close friends ever saw it until I brought up the fact that you can search back on the PBSO website for up to a year. Then of course they hall had to look it, I don’t really care after all it is my life and my life’s an open book. Ya’all can go ahead and check it out too. When it happened though I was back in AA at Oasis about 10 days later, and I saw BROOKLYN JOE there. He came up to me and warned me “stay offa my computer”.

NASCAR has been inching its way into mainstream America for quite a long time now. Everyone enjoyed Days of Thunder with Tom Cruise back in the day and I think that was the real start of it. There’s still a long way to go though for NASCAR. That doesn’t mean its not hugely popular, as it is. That however is due to the fact that the people who are into it are extremely devout. Its still not mainstream America I don’t think. It still suffers from some geographically slanted demographics, even though there are races all over. I see people at the races in Delaware and Watkins Glen, but I still have never found someone from the Northeast that will, openly at least, admit to being a NASCAR fan.

That being said, I have heard some of the diehard NASCAR fans rumblings that it is selling out. They say that the boys are toning things down to appeal to corporate and mainstream America. Well thank god for Jeremy Mayfield then, because I don’t think anyone is gonna be thinking that NASCAR is not redneck enough for quite awhile.

For those unfamiliar with Mr. Mayfield’s saga, let me explain. Mayfield is I’d say a middle of the road NASCAR driver, he’s very competitive and has won a few races. He’s not a star, but he’s certainly no slouch either. In May of this year, Mayfield failed a NASCAR drug test for crystal meth. He was then suspended for substance abuse as per NASCAR rules. Mayfield however, adamantly denied ever using the drug claiming that the false positive must have been from a combination of Claritin and Adderall that he had taken. Mayfield then took the NASCAR brass to court. There he won an injunction in federal court that lifted the suspension. NASCAR has since countered with an appeal that brings a whole lot of other things to light.

According to NASCAR, Mayfield has also failed a July 6th test given to him at his home. Once again for crystal meth. This time though NASCAR took it up a notch by also bring to the table a sworn affidavit from Mayfield’s stepmother where she claims to have seen him use meth at least 30 times. She also claims that Mayfield used to cook meth in the shop by his house. Here’s what his stepmother had to say…

“I first saw Jeremy using methamphetamine in 1998 at Jeremy’s shop on Jackson Road in Mooresville, North Carolina. Jeremy cooked some of his own methamphetamine in his shop by the house until the stores took pseudoephedrine off the shelves. In addition to making methamphetamine for his own use, I am aware that Jeremy has bought methamphetamine from others.”

“I was concerned about his heavy use and talked to his father about it. I saw Jeremy use methamphetamine by snorting it up his nose at least 30 times during the seven years I was around him. Jeremy used methamphetamines not only in my presence, but also when we were both in the presence of others.

She also brought up some specific instances where she had seen him use the drug. Including before the NASCAR Awards ceremony and just before a race in Darlington.

Mayfield of course then countered with these courteous statement…

“Now they got this lying whore to tell lies about me, someone I am embarrassed even uses the Mayfield name. She’s tried everything she can do to get money out of me. I won’t help her, so I guess she found a way to get money from NASCAR by giving them an affidavit full of lies.”

Now as if that isn’t Jerry Springer enough for you. Mayfield has also come out and accussed his stepmother of killing his father. His father’s died in 2007 by what the Chapel Hill, NC medical examiner determined was a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Mayfield now says he plans on serving his stepmother with a wrongful death lawsuit as well. He also claims that Nascar can not be trusted and that they paid his stepmother to concoct this lies, which her gold-digging ass gratefully agreed to.

This shit just gets crazier and crazier by the day, and I fucking love it. Its like that crazy girl in Wedding Crashers that Vince Vaughn falls for. Now this is definitely not the kind of story that you see in a “mainstream” sport. Can you imagine something like this happening in baseball or football. No way. That’s kinda what makes NASCAR so great though. NASCAR was never meant to be a grandfather, its a crazy uncle and it should be proud to be that. Everyone loves a crazy uncle after all.

Either Jeremy Mayfield is right and NASCAR is just completely railroading him for some unknown reason, or he’s just a complete drug addict dumbass. I mean come on, if he had really failed the first test due to taking a combination of Claritin and Adderall, then how on earth would he take that again before the 2nd test. Now he’s coming out with all these conspiracies theories and accusations of covered up murders, it’s just classic tweaker behavior. I think the guy is a complete meth addict and needs some serious help. He’s not going to get it though, cause I think he’s in way too deep at this point to admit that this whole thing is a lie. His NASCAR career at this point is basically done, no team or sponsor is ever going to touch this guy with a ten foot pole. Part of me feels sorry for the guy, but part of me just hope he comes out with something crazier every day. How about tomorrow if he says that he was abducted by aliens who forced him to snort meth as a way of preparation for the anal probe. That would be classic! I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I see a lot of parallels between my life and Survivor. I’ve even contemplated getting a Outwit, Outplay, Outlast tattoo but have yet to pull the trigger. My favorite person in the world of Survivor, is of course Jeff Probst. That guy is the fucking man. If I could have any job in the world, I would take his job. Its the greatest thing. You come swooping in on a helicopter like some golden god carrying chicken wings that people are just going to lose their minds over. The man even got two super hot chicks to get butt ass naked for some peanut butter. That man has power, and I crave power.

Now the reason I’m writing about this today is to talk a little about my favorite contestant of all-time. It might seem like an odd choice, and if you know anything about the show you already know who it is from the title of this piece. Today on Yahoo I saw a story entitled “Judge denies Richard Hatch’s “Survivor” reunion”, and I must admit I shed a tear. I’m a huge Richard Hatch fan. That guy was the man. He was such an enigma and full of contradiction that you never knew what he would do next. He was flaming gay and walked around the camp naked and flabby, just for the sheer effect of discomfort it evoked from the other people. No one else could really play the mental aspect of the game against him cause they were so distracted by his nakedness. At the same time though, he was a hell of an outdoorsman. He might seriously be the top gay spear fisherman in the world.

If you haven’t seen him in action you should do yourself a favor and go out and get Season 1 to watch it. Hatch over course won the grand prize, and will forever go down in Survivor history as the first Ultimate Survivor. Then after winning it, in total bad ass fashion he “forgot” to pay any taxes on the 1 million dollar prize. Its as if he thought “I’m Richard Motherfuckin Hatch, I don’t pay no stinkin taxes”.

So I’m sad to hear that the judge won’t allow Richard to leave the country to go to the Survivor Reunion. I don’t really understand why. I mean could they possible think that he’s a flight risk or something. The guy’s gonna be followed by cameras everywhere. He’s even served all his jail time and is now on home confinement. It seems as if the judge doesn’t want to see him dominate, like he knows he would.

He also bears a striking resemblance to the Most Interesting Man in the World from the Dos Equis commercials, hmm, maybe they based that on Richard Hatch.

So cheers to you Richard Hatch, my favorite gay naked man of all-time.

Authorities say a bullet from a gun that was accidentally dropped injured a Tampa woman sitting in a bathroom stall.

Police say the bullet hit 53-year-old Janifer Bliss in the lower left leg. She was taken to a hospital with minor injuries.

Bliss was sitting on the toilet in a hotel bathroom when a woman in the next stall accidentally let her handgun slip out of her waist holster. The weapon discharged when it hit the ground.

Police say the gun belonged to 56-year-old Debra Monce who has a concealed weapons permit.

I just thought the shit was mad funny. Can you imagine just sitting there on the shitter doing your business and getting shot, haha. I know that whenever I’m doing my bizness in a public restroom, which is extremely rare as it has to be a situation where I’m pretty much already touching fabric, I get annoyed when someone enters the stall next to me. It’s like what the fuck here we are two people that don’t even know each other and we’re taking a shit with only about a 1 inch thick piece of plasterboard separating us.

I know it’s different for women, since they have to go into the stall for everything. Still, I hate it just the same when someone is using the urinal next to me. If its a two urinal setup, and somebody is at one, I’ll go piss in the stall. I don’t want to use the urinal right next to someone either. The only times I do are in situations where the bathroom is absolutely packed constantly  such as a sporting event, a busy bar, the mall at Christmas time, or a casual Mexican restaurant.

This reminds me of some other interesting incidents I’ve had in bathrooms.

I remember one time when I was at Chilli’s or Friday’s or one of those places their all the same, and I was taking a piss and this guy came and sidled right up in the urinal next to me in a at least 5 urinal setup. I was annoyed and though what the hell is this guy’s problem. Then he did the unthinkable, he started talking to me. He had a cowboy hat on I remember cause he said “howdy partner” and then proceded to ask me how my day was going. Now I don’t know if this is a Texas thing, I’ll have to ask SLAYER, but where I’m from you don’t make small talk at the urinal.

Another time I remember walking around the corner into  the bathroom at the Gardens Mall and seeing a kid who must have been about 10 years old and he had dropped his pants completley to the floor as was at the urinal bareass to the world. Now I immediattly turned to avoid the urinals and head toward a stall, but there was that huge bathroom mirror with his bare ass all over it. Now this just ain’t right, doesn’t this kid have anyone to teach him about what is acceptable. Nevermind the fact that it’s inconsiderate to others, but what about the hygenic aspects of it. His pants are sitting directly on a mall bathroom floor, how disgusting can you get. Furthermore, there he is bare ass to the world at a mall, perhaps the biggest pedophile hangout around. I even have a friend, HOBE PLAYBOY, who dress up like a pedophile and goes to the mall just for his own shits and giggles at people’s reactions. He’s even been asked to leave by security before.

Now let’s get back to our woman in Tampa. So here she is either pissing or shitting, oddly it doesn’t say, minding her own buisness. Then some other woman enters the stall next to her, drops her knickers causing her gun to fall out and hit the floor. Once again this seems like something that should happen in Texas, cause I don’t imagine too many woman around here walking around with guns in holsters. Anyway, the gun discharges and hits our friend in the leg. Now the paramediccs have to be notified and come and get this partially undressed woman to the hospital. I wonder if she finished. I imagine that if your in the middle of taking a shit and get shot. That immediattly causes all the remaining shit in your system to immediattly flush, that’s just my guy feeling. If your taking a piss on the other hand, I think it would stop in midstream and be quite painful. Then again, I’m no doctor.

Today I found an article in Rolling Stone that addresses something that I’ve been thinking about ever since Jacko went tits up. Wouldn’t it be awesome if he left the Beatles songs to Paul McCartney in his will?

Now in case you didn’t know, Michael Jackson owned all the royalties to the Beatles songs. He had bought them when they went up for auction, outbidding both Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono in the process. McCartney and Jackson had been good friends for awhile. The pair even collaborated together on the eighties hits The Girl is Mine and Say Say Say. The craziest part is that it was McCartney himself that told Jackson that song royalties was a good investment. I remember McCartney recounting in an interview that Jackson had told him “I’m gonna buy your songs”. At the time McCartney thought he was joking and laughed it off.

Of course Michael Jackson never jokes around. McCartney was pissed as hell when his supposed pal then went and outbid him for his own songs. Recently the rumor came out, even before Michael died, that he was going to leave his stake in the Beatles royalties to McCartney. Now that his will has been unearthed, we can see that those reports were false. Michael Jackson was unable to redeem himself in death.

Then reports came out that McCartney was pissed off about it. He then had to go and refute those reports, but I think I sense a wee bit of bitterness in the englishman’s tone.

“Some time ago, the media came up with the idea that Michael Jackson was going to leave his share in the Beatles songs to me in his will which was completely made up and something I didn’t believe for a second. Now the report is that I am devastated to find that he didn’t leave the songs to me. This is completely untrue,” McCartney writes. “I had not thought for one minute that the original report was true and therefore, the report that I’m devastated is also totally false, so don’t believe everything you read folks!”

“Though Michael and I drifted apart over the years, we never really fell out, and I have fond memories of our time together.”

The way this sounds to me is that McCartney knew that Michael Jackson was too much of a piece of shit to leave him his royalties back so of course he didn’t expect it to happen. Now don’t go and throw one of your hissy fits Michael Jackson fans, I’m just talking about the vibe I get from Sir Paul. I can assure you he’s trying to be as nice as possible when he’s talking about a guy who just died. I can assure you that he’s toning it down, way down. He’s English on top of that and you know how they try and polite things up to the utmost as well. I can tell the guy’s pissed off and he has ever right to be.

It turns out that Michael was in big time debt, and yes those songs are quite a valuable asset to have, but I think his own songs are going to be more than enough to not leave his children with ANY of that debt. It would have been quite the honorable thing for Michael to have left Paul those songs.

So with all this praise that’s going on about Michael, I thought I’d bring up something that wasn’t so nice. Obviously no one cares about the whole child molester stuff, but the man was a bad friend. Everything in this world can’t be strictly business. McCartney was supposed to be his friend and then the bastard went and stabbed him in the back.

Since McCartney’s too dam polite, or too dam English, to say it. I’m gonna go ahead and say it for him. Fuck you Michael Jackson. Your an asshole of a friend and stabbed my ass in the fuckin back. I knew you too well to even think that you would return the songs, that I poured my life into, to me. I’d tell you to kiss my pasty white ass, but I think you’d enjoy that too much!

What I want to talk about today though is our university president Bernie Machen and his crusade to curb alcohol abuse at anything associated with the university. Now I used to have a major alcohol problem, and consequently I don’t drink anymore, but I think the majority of people can just fine. I don’t condone drinking during class like I used to do or anything, but a football game is a whole  other story.

Mr. Machen’s  latest pet project is to try to cut back on alcohol at the Florida vs Georgia game. Now this is a game that is known as “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” and for good reason. A few years ago they asked the TV stations to stop using that nickname, but your not gonna wipe out years of history and an ingrained nickname with the fans. It most certainly is still “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.”

The reason the game got that nickname is of course for the tremendous amounts of alcohol consumed by fans before, during, and after the game. Not to say that is really any different than any other football game at UF, but here they are actually allowed to sell alcohol inside the stadium as its not located on a college campus and rather played at a nuetral site in Jacksonville. Although that didn’t really change anything for me when I went. I’d still rather smuggle in a couple of ziplocs filled with bourbon rather than pay those ridiculous prices.

In a letter to the mayor of Jacksonville, Bern the Worm requested that the number of locations selling alcohol inside the stadium be cut in half. This isn’t really that unreasonable, but I don’t think it would really have any effect. The only thing that would cause would be longer lines and cause people to miss more of the game. The best way I’d think to satisfy Mr. Machen here would be to cut the # of locations in half, but just make those locations larger and able to serve more people. See, we can all win.

Machen’s 2nd request though is the one that is just insane. He wants the city to ban all shot sales at Jacksonville Landing bars and restaurants. This is just crazy. Your going to go and tell these business owners that they can’t sell any shots on their busiest weekend of the year. That’s pure and simple crazy talk, and you can go sell it somewhere else. This is America and we should have a right to drink our booze in whatever form we wish. If this crazy rule was adopted it wouldn’t have any effect either. If bar owners are anything, its inventive. They would surely find ways to make drinks that are just as strong and get you just as drunk without it being in shot form. Hey, since shots are banned I guess I’ll just have to buy a whole glass of Jager instead. Cheers Bernie!

This is just so typical of the way things have been heading in recent times. Since a couple of years ago when “binge drinking” became a big buzz word among administrators, all sorts of plans have been made to try and curb this massive problem. Though all their doing is making different kinds of problems. This is SEC football at its finest and with that is always going to come a whole lot of drinking. That’s just how we do football in the South.

I can remember that my first couple years at UF there was no 2am closing law and there was a lovely system called “halftime reentry”. Oh god how I loved that. What that meant was that at halftime you could run across the street to The Purple Porpoise or The Swamp, where the lovely bartenders would already have shots lined up and waiting, down a few (or ten in my case) shots and then run back to the stadium and not miss a snap. Now I don’t really have any stats to back this up, but I swear in those times we’d always come out and play huge right at the start of the third quarter. I swear the team fed off the crowd’s increased drunkenness. Now sadly this is no longer allowed during halftime.

We didn’t win the halftime reentry battle, but we can’t lose the cocktail party as well. That’s what Florida vs Georgia is all about and who the hell is Bernie Machen to mess with all this tradition.

Now you know I couldn’t write all this without mentioning the Gators complete and utter dominance of Georgia in recent times. Since 1990 the Gators are an amazing 16-3 in this “rivalry” game. Its even been sweeter since that idiot Mark Richt took over the Georgia program as I really can’t stand that dumbass.

My personal favorite cocktail party that I attended was in 2002. In that game the Dawgs came in rolling at a perfect 8-0 and ranked #4 in the country. My Gators on the other hand were struggling. Spurrier had left and we limped into this game at 5-3 and unranked. Needless to say, Georgia was a fairly solid favorite. Georgia scored first then we answered with a TD pass from my boy Rex Grossman. Gus Scott later added a tremendous interception return for a TD, but we missed the extra point and trailed by that extra point 13-12 in the 4th quarter. Rex than led the Gators on a drive for the ages. That drive ended with him hitting Ben Troupe on 3rd and goal for the go ahead score, Rex added the 2 point conversion himself for a 20-13 lead. Our defense held and that’s how the game ended. Georgia came in riding high and we snuffed their National Championship hopes. They did go on to win the SEC title that year, but they got no further. Hey, if we weren’t gonna have a great year, at least we got to ruin theirs.

If there’s something more American than blowing stuff up, I have yet to find it. Yet our wise bueracrats here decided that in order to protect us from ourselves and our drunken trailer trash neighbors, the only legal fireworks are things such as sparklers. Even your common bottle rocket is banned.

You might ask than why do I see countless firework stands when I drive down the road? If you happen to go into any of those stands, I like the big tent on Northlake ironically in the Blood Bank parking lot, you will notice that after you purchase your glorious items they make you sign a piece of paper.

That piece of paper your signing is a waiver. What it says is that you are intending to use the fireworks for one of the “legal” purpose. These “legal” purposes include using them to scare birds from crops, quarry stone, or as a railroad signal. Now I’m sure that’s what all these people are using them for, a know I saw a huge group of birds circling my coconut crop this morning.

All the waiver does is make the store not responsible for the “illegal” acts that you fully intend to commit. They can claim ignorance. Its funny though that they need you to sign a waiver, while you can walk into any head shop and buy a 6 foot bong and its just assumed that its going to be for tobacco use.

If you are caught with your precious fireworks this year, it is considered a first degree misdemeanor and is punishable by up to a $1,000 fine and up to a year in jail. They have got to be kidding with that whole year in a jail thing, remember that Donte Stallworth only got 30 days for DUI manslaughter.

I doubt that a whole lot of people are going to be enforcing it. Palm Beach Country Sheriff’s Office spokesman Ed Davis kinda summed up their n9nchalant attitude towards it when he said ““One thing about fireworks, when they go off, so does the evidence.”

There are some communities though that are trying to crack down on it. Loxahatchee Groves for instance has vowed to enforce the law and has even allocated funds specifically target to weed out this dangerous criminal element from their town.

I say its all in good fun so just relax all you uptight lawmakers. Sure people get hurt with fireworks but they do with anything that’s fun. I think more people get hurt in boating accidents every year than fireworks accidents, so lets go ahead and ban boating too. Its also ridiculous to let these store owners operate their way around the law and then even think about cracking down on people for shooting off their fireworks. Its like leaving the drug dealers alone and making only possession a crime.

So I say blow things up all night, blow things up all weekend. If your not blowing things up yourself, go seek out some people that are. It would be unAmerican not to.

It’s shocking to me though that under just one bridge in the city of Miami we have over 80 sex offenders living. That is definitely a place you wanna tell your kids to stay away from. Although if their anything like me maybe you should tell them to go there. I know that when I was a kid, I went anywhere I was told not to go and stayed the hell away from anyone the “grownups” told me I should be.

I do give props to the writer John Lantigua for having the balls to write a human interest story about a bunch of people nobody cares about.

The man living under the bridge, Javier, is 69 and tattoos of shapely, young women adorn his arms and torso.

The tattoos might be just early excesses, the faded daydreams of a young sailor. But when you know why he lives there, they become symbols – foreboding predictions – of his problems.

Javier is one of almost 80 sex offenders living like castaways beneath the Julia Tuttle Causeway, which connects Miami to Miami Beach across Biscayne Bay. He says he was convicted 17 years ago of sexual contact with a girl, 13.

The offenders are exiled under the six-lane overpass because a 2005 Miami Dade ordinance prohibits people convicted of sex crimes involving minors from living within 2,500 feet of schools, playgrounds, or, in some cases, school bus stops.

To me that law doesn’t mean that they have to live under a bridge in downtown Miami. It means that they can’t live in a major urban area. Go move out to the country you sick fucks. Take a clue, we don’t want you living where all our “normal” people live. To me it just seems like these dam pervs have found a loophole where they get to stay in the city of Miami and live under this bridge. There are plenty of areas west of the city where they won’t be violating the 2500 feet law.

Now I must admit that there are some people who I feel bad for that are forced to register as sex offenders. I don’t think the 18 year old high school senior that has sex with his freshman girlfriend really did anything wrong, but I also doubt that most of these guys fall under that category. The Javier mentioned in the piece is registered because he molested a 13 year old girl, he deserves whatever he’s got coming to him.

There’s a quote in there from Armando Martinez where he says “Terrorists, members of al Qaeda, live better at Guantanamo than we do.” I seriously doubt that to be true. I think the perv has just seen “Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” a few too many times, and would actually enjoy the cock meat sandwich. Armando is registered for an attempted sexual battery on a child. That makes him a double loser in my book, he couldn’t even successful complete his sick shit. Guy’s probably never saw anything through in his life. He deserves to live under a bridge.

I especially liked this line, “Almost all residents are men, although sometimes girlfriends sleep over.” Oh my god, imagine what prizes those girls must be. Not only are you spending the night with a registered sex offender, but he also lives under the bridge. I think even hookers would have to pass on that.

All I can say though is valiant effort Mr. Lantigua, but if you think I’m gonna be shedding a tear for the awful plight of a bunch of sexual predators, then you sure as hell can go sell crazy someplace else. Maybe some of these guys have reformed and are living on the straight and narrower, so what’s stopping them from moving out into the sticks where they wouldn’t violate the laws. I’m sure they’d say there aren’t many job opportunities out there, then ask them how many have jobs or are even looking for work. I’m sure the number wouldn’t be very high. I’m sure these are the guys that are just out panhandling every day to make enough money to drink themselves into oblivion. So I know I won’t be shedding any tears for them, and I’m sure I’ll sleep just fine tonight.

So last night Manny Ramirez played in his last minor league game before his expected return from his 50 game suspension for using performance enhancing drugs. In the Single A game last night in San Bernandino, Manny went 1-3. He beat out an infield single and struck out swinging two times. In his 5 minor league games Manny went 3-10 with a HR and two runs scored. Those stats really are meaningless though cause he’s just trying to get his legs back, and if you know anything about Manny you can be sure he ain’t gonna give much effort in the minors. Ironically he did beat out an infield hit last night though.

After the game Manny once again refused to talk to reporters. He did find the time to tell them “”No thank you,” Ramirez said. “Go to YouTube.” Its just classic Manny, and one thing that you can be assured of is that’s never gonna change.

So what’s really changed in the 50 games that Manny’s been out. Not much. The Dodgers were in 1st place in the NL West with the best record in baseball with Manny, now their still in 1st place in the NL West with the best record in baseball.

Juan Pierre has been outstanding for the Dodgers since Manny’s been out. For the month of May, Pierre hit .369 with an OPS of a ridiculous .940 he also added 18 RBI’s and swiped 9 bags. He’s cooled off a little in June, but still hit .274 with an OPS of .651 and swiped 11 bags. Of course Pierre is still gonna find himself with a seat on the bench as there really is no way he will get the nod over Ethier or Kemp at either of the other two outfield spots.

A lot of people did predict that the Dodgers would fade for the 50 games they didn’t have Manny. After all they were really even excedding expectations with Manny. That has not been the case as they are playing some excellent ball.

Now the question is whether the return of Manny is gonna disrupt that? One way of thinking would tell you, of course not they we’re playing just as great with him so why would anything change. What changes however is the media attention. They were always all over Manny, but now the questions are gonna change. Someone is gonna have to answer them, even if Manny refuses too.

Of course the organization is glad to have him back, if only for a financial perspective. Manny sells tickets that’s a fact that is easily measured. The Dodgers built a whole marketing campaign around him and even had a special section of the stands for him named “Mannywood”. Now “Mannywood” has been closed for a few months and I’m sure its gonna reopen to some great fanfare.

I really don’t see any reason that Manny’s not gonna be fully embraced by the fans as soon as he comes back. After all, this is Los Angeles they seem to be a very forgiving lot with their heroes. Perhaps Manny might even be more popular now as Hollywood has always loved a good story of redemption.

The prodigal son is scheduled to return on Friday at San Diego. After that the Dodgers go to New York for a series against the Mets and then to Milwaukee. Then we have the All-Star break so Manny’s not going to get to play a game in Los Angeles for quite awhile. That series in New York should be mighty interesting as I’m sure that’s going to be quite the circus atmosphere.